This week was rough. I cranked out Chapter Thirteen, but then where I was going with chapter fourteen didn't feel right, and nothing would come out. So when that happens, I always backtrack to find the problem, where things start going wrong. So I rewrote the end of thirteen and and am almost done with chapter fourteen.
Week 1 NaFADOYBIMSCOM
Starting Word Count: 39,186
Ending Word Count: 39,995
Total Words Written: 809 <--Boo! So low. Well, actually more was written than that. But I cut a lot, so that's what lowered it so much.
Chapters Written: Rewrote end of 13 and added on to fourteen
Favorite Line/Scene Written: Taken from near the end of Chapter 13 (again, but what I rewrote)
Music. Where is all the good music?
I rummage through a stack of CDs until I find a John Mayer one. Success. I skip the warm up, going straight into the difficult. I don’t have time for the easy. Body and brain are totally disconnected. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, just that I’m moving. My mind is somewhere else altogether.
See, the problem isn’t at all that Jake might have possibly cheated. Yeah, it’s a shitty thing to do. It wouldn’t ruin a friendship, but I certainly wouldn’t be able to look at him exactly the same way anymore. And like, there’ two sides to every story. It happened over a year ago. I could’ve easily just asked Jake what the deal was. So the problem is not the act itself.
It probably isn’t true.
Alyssa is most likely full of shit.
All the probablys and most likelys aren’t even the problem at hand.
The problem is that I care so much. Why do I care so much?
Because you care about Jake.
I freeze. On some level, I’ve always been subconsciously aware of this fact. But forming the actual thought bubble? That’s never happened before.
It scares me.
And enrages me. How can I let myself do this? It’s like, I’ve built up this idea of Jake, of what an awesome guy he seems to be. In turn, I’m beginning to fall for someone I barely know. Alyssa’s claims shatter the image of Jake into a hundred shards. Pieces. Broken pieces.
He has a past. I’ve never thought about that before. He’s just been so there for me, that I’ve barely thought of him as an actual person. And I’m way too self-involved to even give a damn. I’ve spent—wasted—half of this summer, wallowing in my own self-pity. We’re all a pile of broken pieces, slowly being put together. But instead of trying to put my pieces together, I’ve been smashing them even further.
I have some serious ground to make up for this week. Ideally, I want another 5k written this week for the track I'm on. Realistically, that's not going to happen. But Thankgiving week is short, so I can make up time there. Hopefully. Haha!